


The Two of Us

by SmallAnxietic



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medium Burn, POSTED JAN23RD 2018, Pining, Pregnancy, Single Parents, Slow Burn, Struggling, Unplanned Pregnancy, chapters will be posted continuously, early birth, gets semi nsfw in the second chapter but dont worry it turns into angst, lots of "what the hell are we doing", lots of doubt, or more of a medium burn i guess, please reread the edits its... its so important, please subscribe to my new cbs channel, premature child, the original character is your son, this is basically a fucking drama at this point, you and dan have Unfinished Business, you have a son
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-03-08 14:43:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13460421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallAnxietic/pseuds/SmallAnxietic
Summary: If it were that simple, you could have forgiven him for leaving. But it wasn’t. Dan had left, blissfully unaware of the child growing inside you. You were only a few weeks in at the time. Once he was gone, you felt abandoned and worthless. You couldn’t keep up with college and the pregnancy that was mentally dragging you down all at once, so you dropped out in your third year shortly after Dan left. Without his support, you had nothing to lean back on for help. You were all alone in this place, your only friend was your child who was yet to be born.(If read before, please note:the story is going through major editing. re-reading is advised. the chapter's notes will say whether or not that chapter has been edited or not)





	1. What Goes Around, Comes Around

**Author's Note:**

> This Man Went to Ralph's: You'll Never BELIEVE What He Found in the Produce Section
> 
> EDITED: 5/25/18  
> Grammar edits and small details added.

The day he had left was the day that your world seemed to shatter. 

 

You understood, to some degree. You were with Dan for all of your years at college- which was a total of three- and during that time you had learned about his true passion for music. He didn’t like advertising, in fact, the longer he stayed in the major the worse he seemed to get mentally. You didn’t judge him for trying to find solace in substances, but it worried you. You had tried your best to keep Dan on his feet, keep him going and telling him that you believed in him. You distinctly remember the day you came to his dorm room and found him sick in bed, profusely sweating but still trying to take another hit to ease the pain. You nursed him then, helped him through the sickness, followed him to France and stood by his side when he threw his pill bottle into the river. That’s when the relationship between you and Dan had really bloomed, but nothing really ever lasts, despite how good it may or may not be. 

 

Dan had graduated, the diploma in his hands worthless and only dragging him down; which in turn meant you were too, in his eyes. So he moved to seek out his true passion, letting the rockstar in his heart guide him. You supported him, of course, you did, but it still hurt. One second he was there, and then the next morning he was nowhere to be found, only a note left behind as with a written apology and thank you. The note is still tucked into your wallet. 

 

If it were that simple, you could have forgiven him for leaving. But it wasn’t. Dan had left, blissfully unaware of the child growing inside you. You were only a few weeks in at the time. Once he was gone, you felt abandoned and worthless. You couldn’t keep up with college and the pregnancy that was mentally dragging you down all at once, so you dropped out in your third year shortly after Dan left. Without his support, you had nothing to lean back on for help. You were all alone in this place, your only friend was the growing child in you who was yet to be born. 

 

You jumped between different jobs, nothing ever really sticking. No one wanted to keep you for long since all you had was a high school diploma and you were with child, meaning you weren’t the most reliable employee. You had to stay in a shit stained apartment with greasy, suspicious looking men with only a thin mattress and broken lock on your door because you had no money to go anywhere better once you dropped out. The nights spent there were full of fear and murmuring to your child, holding your stomach tight while you cried.

 

The months trying to keep yourself on your feet while your stomach slowly grew was stressful enough that your baby was born two months early. He was premature, the smallest baby you had ever seen. You stayed in the hospital with him as he grew to the appropriate size and his lungs fully developed, the cost of staying in the hospital bed slowly increasing each day. While you were stuck in the hospital, you made friends with several of the nurses. They sympathized for you as you told them how you got in this situation, and by the time you left, you had multiple recommendations given out to different jobs that the nurses had special ties with, along with a debt to the hospital added to your college’s. All of that along with a tiny, helpless child in your hands who you were terrified of. 

 

Those first few years after your child’s birth, of whom you named Leigh Iris (Your last name), were even worse than the months of pregnancy. You loved Leigh with all of your heart, but finding jobs that would let you work at home or bring a small crying child in with you were slim. You barely had any insurance, the only reason you had any was because both of your parents worked with insurance companies. They supported you as much as they could, but they lived far away; and both of them didn’t necessarily agree to having a child on your own and not being married to the father, so their help was limited. 

 

Even though making money was tough, your world was much brighter with Leigh around. He was a blessed baby, not crying but instead laughing always. He was the only reason you even held on and kept trying at certain points in your life of motherhood. You loved him with your entire being and more if that was possible. He had learned early on by himself that you were struggling, and despite his young age he had matured as much as he could to help you. Leigh frequently picked up after himself so you didn’t need to even though he wobbled when he walked, he said thank you for each meal and never made a fuss when you couldn’t get him something he wanted. You felt horrible that Leigh had to live the way that he did, you felt horrible that he had to put up with such a sick excuse of a mother. The last thing you wanted was to ruin his blessed years of childhood and have him hate you when he grew up; so while your son tried to help the most he could, you hid the bills in drawers, assuring him everything was fine. 

 

But now, five hard years later, you got your big break. You’ve been offered a job in California as an assistant for a clothing company. An assistant isn’t the best job, but the company was mainstream and it was the biggest offer you’ve been given in a long time, so you took it eagerly. With how small your apartment was, you were able to get packed in two days, and then you were off to Los Angeles with your son in your arms. For the first time in awhile, things started to look a little brighter for the two of you.

 

***

 

“Honey, are you ready to go?” You stand in the living room of your small apartment, boxes scattered around your feet and the rest of the living area. Leigh comes out of his room with his blue iPod, a small gift to him from a co-worker at work. His hair is a deep brown that curls at the ends and crowds over his eyes as he runs up to you, stumbling only a little over the cardboard on his way. You smile and kneel down, kissing his chubby little cheeks while brushing his hair back. “You have daddy’s songs?” 

 

“Yeah!” Leigh nods, a big smile on his face. “Have you gotten any reports from NASA?” The two of you hold hands as you leave the apartment, and you turn to lock it behind you. You smile at your son softly, squeezing his hand. 

 

“I did, actually. They said that daddy has found a new planet! And guess what?” You walk down the sidewalk as Leigh jumps, avoiding the cracks in the pavement. You once asked him why he does that, and he told you he had heard if you step on a crack you’ll break your mother’s back.  _ I don’t want to break your back!!  _ He had told you. You faked an injury once when you saw he had stepped on a crack, and he had ended up crying up a storm. You still felt guilty for the little prank, as pure as it was. “Daddy says that  _ you  _ get to name it!” 

 

“Really?” You nod down at him, and he shouts almost immediately. “I know what I want to name it!” 

 

“That’s nice, why don’t you tell me a little quieter please?” 

 

“Sorry mommy,” his voice lowers considerably. “I want to name the new planet Teresa.” 

 

“Teresa? Why that name?” 

 

“I just think it’s a pretty name,” Leigh smiles again, and you laugh, agreeing with him. The rest of the walk is full of your son’s stories from kindergarten like how he met a girl named Teresa who gave him a part of her brownie, and the teacher gave him a sticker for drawing so well. You know the drawing he’s talking about, it’s put up on the fridge in the house. It’s a drawing of space and Danny in the stars with Leigh and you. 

 

You never held anything back from Leigh about his father. You didn’t want to tell him the full truth, he was only five and he didn’t deserve to hear how his dad didn’t even know he existed, how his dad never bothered to call even once. Instead, you gave him space adventurer Danny who sung music up in the stars along with his best friend Ninja Brian. Leigh listens over and over to the songs from The Northern Hues and Skyhill along with the first Under the Covers album once you put them into his iPod for his birthday last year, as they were the only kid-appropriate ones you could find. Ever since then Leigh consistently has earbuds in his ears, playing the songs when the house is layered in a peaceful quiet. The iPod comes with him wherever he goes, even if he doesn’t plan on listening to the songs. It’s sweet, almost like a safety blanket.

 

You can already tell that the day you tell Leigh Danny would never come back from space will be one of the hardest days you’ll have to face as a parent. Leigh barely cries, so when he does it’s absolutely heartbreaking. You’re nowhere near prepared for that, so you keep the story up. Eventually it will come, but for now, you let yourself be happy with things as they are. Things are finally good, and you plan to keep it that way for awhile. 

 

You don’t realize you’re at the grocery store until your son tugs your hand, dragging you inside. “You’re a space cadet mommy, just like Daddy,” he laughs and you stick your tongue out at him. The two of you glare before you finally settle it with a smile. 

 

“Alright, do you remember the rules?” You ask, getting a cart as he follows you. 

 

“Yes!” 

 

“Can you tell me what they are?” 

 

“Don’t go too far from mommy, only have one earbud in so I can hear you, and… um… Don’t touch things that look nasty!” He honestly made up the last one, those were the only two rules, but you go with it. 

 

“And that last one is a rule for  _ all  _ of the time. We don’t want you to get sick! Then you wouldn’t get to see Teresa!” He groans as the two of you set off into the aisles, making you cackle. “What? I’m right aren’t I?” 

 

“No, Teresa is a girl and girls are gross.”

“Leigh Iris, who raised you? Do you think I’m gross?” You feign a gasp, grasping at your heart in hurt. He giggles. 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“My feelings!!!” You melt to the ground slowly. “You’ve injured my heart…” 

 

You love your son, needless to say.

 

***

 

You aren’t paying attention and are looking at the different brands of peanut butter when Leigh notices something. There’s a bright blue ball at the opposite end of the aisle. It’s not too far, you wouldn’t be mad if he went to go get it, right? 

 

Quickly the little boy trots over to the ball, bending down to pick up the small toy. When he comes back up, he notices a tall man with his same hair. He has a really cool leather jacket on and he’s talking to someone who is probably his grandpa. But that guy has his hair, and that’s interesting! The man probably wants to see him, too, so he can see they have the same hair. 

 

Leigh drops the ball back where he found it (the middle of the floor) before walking up to the older guys. The grandpa looks down at him, and they stop talking for a second. Briefly, he wonders if he did anything wrong and if he should go back to Mommy before the guy with his hair turns around. 

 

“Hey little man, are you lost?” 

 

Hey, wait a minute. Leigh recognizes that face, that voice. Could it be Daddy? But Mommy said he was still in space… Unless Daddy wanted to surprise them and knew they would be here? Yes, that’s it! That’s his Daddy! 

 

“Daddy!” He yells and wraps himself around his daddy’s legs.

 

***

 

Dan doesn’t know what the hell is happening. Hopelessly, he looks over to Brian, who just shrugs in turn. “Uhm,” the musician gets down on his knees so he’s at level with the kid, bringing him away from the embrace. “I think you’re confused, buddy. Where're your parents? Your mommy?” He tries. 

 

Something clicks in the boy’s head and he looks around the store. He frowns, looking back at Dan. “I lost Mommy… I’m sorry.” 

 

“Oh no, kid, that’s okay!” The older man’s heart swells in affection. “We’ll help you find her, okay? Do you want to walk with us?” Dan actually isn’t given much of a choice as the child’s arms wrap around his neck and he’s dangling, making Dan stand up and hold the boy in his arms. “This way is okay too, I guess.” He hopes the mom doesn’t get mad at him for carrying her kid around… 

 

As they walk to the customer service desk, Dan tries to get information from the boy. He’ll at least need a name so the mother knows it’s her kid that’s missing. “Hey, buddy, what’s your name?” 

 

“Leigh.” He smiles. 

 

“Hey, that’s my name too! Well, I go by Dan. What’s your middle name, then?” 

 

“Iris. Mommy told me that ir..iriseses... mean hope. The blue ones. Do you like blue?” 

 

Brian replies as he walks with them. “I think that’s Danny’s favorite color, he never stops talking about it.” The little boy’s eyes light up. 

 

“Me too!!” 

 

The older men laugh together. They quickly arrive at the customer service desk where Dan tells them about the child, giving the nice lady behind the desk his first and middle name. The child proudly presents Dan as his daddy, which he shakes his head at to the lady. She reports over the store's speakers that they have Leigh Iris, which Leigh laughs at because now everyone knows his name and that’s so cool! 

 

Danny sits on one of the chairs, Leigh standing right next to him and refusing to let go of Dan’s hand. Dan knows for sure this isn’t his kid, but the kid knows for sure that he is. He does get a lot of comments he looks like other people, so he sums it up to similarity. Maybe his dad isn’t at the house much so he doesn’t remember what his dad looks like? That’s a little sad… 

 

Brian, Leigh, and Danny all chat together for a few more minutes until they’re cut off by loud steps heading their way. 

 

***

 

“Leigh!” You cry, seeing your little boy ahead with two other men. Your son naturally lets go of the man he was latched to, running up to you. Quickly you wrap your arms around him, squeezing and lifting him up into the air. “Leigh, Leigh you  _ worried  _ me! I didn’t know where you were, why did you leave me?” You sob into your child’s shoulder, holding him close to you. “You know you can’t do that to me…” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Leigh mumbles. “I just saw Daddy and I wanted to bring him back home before he left for space again.” 

 

“Honey, Daddy is still in space.” You put your kid to the ground, kneeling down with him, wiping your tears and brushing the hair out of Leigh’s face. “Leigh, Daddy might  _ never  _ come back from space, okay?” 

 

“But he’s right there, Mommy…” Your son turns his head, pointing over to the man who stood above you two. You look up at him, slowly meeting eyes with someone you never thought you would be looking at ever again. “Daddy,” Leigh smiles. 

 

Dan, along with another man you’ve never met before, stand above you with wide eyes. Dan’s mouth is open but no words are coming out. You feel as if you’re frozen, yet somehow you’re still moving. Picking Leigh up again, standing up on your feet. You can hear your son asking you what’s going on as your vision blurs in panic. “Leigh, it’s time to go home.” 

 

“But Daddy-”

 

“Thank you for finding him for me,” You tell both of the men quickly. Dan shouldn’t recognize you, right? It’s been five years. If he didn’t care enough to ever come back or call, he should have forgotten what you look like. “But we really have to go.” Turning on your heels, you begin to leave the store with Leigh in your arms. You don’t make it that far until you hear Dan calling you, which you were more or less expecting. You stop your walk, letting him catch up as you keep your eyes on the ground. “What do you want, Daniel?” You spit harshly. Leigh visibly gets uncomfortable and upset with your tone. 

 

“Can we  _ please  _ talk about this?” He pleads. Leigh reaches out for him, but you pull his hands back. 

 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” 

 

“You know full well there’s a shit ton to talk- god- a  _ ton _ to talk about.” You can see Danny reaching into his pocket, cursing under his breath. “Brian, do you have paper and pen?”

 

“Got some from the desk,” the other man from before walks up, handing the items to Dan. You watch him scramble around desperately, writing on the paper against his thigh. The paper rips several times but it doesn’t look like he wants to risk getting a better piece of paper as he hands it to you. 

 

“Please, I know you don’t want to talk right now, so just… please call me.  _ Please _ .” You look back up at him hesitantly, seeing it in his eyes that Dan needs this just as much as Leigh does. It does make sense to you, it was irresponsible to just avoid him now that he’s here. So… 

 

“I’m only doing this for Leigh,” You reply, taking the paper and shoving it down your back pocket. Your son perks up at the sound of his name and you kiss his forehead. “We have to go now.” 

 

“Yeah, of course… um… could I?” Danny reaches a hand for Leigh and you naturally move away from him. He pulls his hand back, looking dejected, as does your boy and God… You don’t want to be the bad guy here. Slowly you shift toward the older man, keeping Leigh in your arms but reaching out enough so that Dan could say goodbye. You don’t know if it’s just your imagination or if Dan actually does choke back a sob. 

 

“Hey buddy,” Danny smiles, getting close to the toddler. Your heart breaks as he kisses Leigh’s head softly, holding his child’s small hand in his large one. “I’ll see you later, okay? I  _ promise _ .” 

 

“Are you going back to space?” Leigh frowns, and Dan gives out a watery chuckle, shaking his head while wiping away what you think is a tear. Dear God, you can’t take it anymore. You start to walk away again, this time Dan letting you go. “Is he?” The little boy whispers to you, putting his head on your shoulder and you know that he’s looking at his daddy.

 

“I hope not, baby, I really hope not.” 

 

***

 

Coming back home was difficult. You were immediately bombarded with questions from Leigh, and they weren’t ones you had the mental capacity to answer at the moment. It was times like these that you wished you could be alone in order to process what’s happened, but you had to put Leigh first. Always Leigh first. 

 

“Why didn’t daddy come home with us?” 

 

“Why were you so mean to him?” 

 

“Why was he so sad?” 

 

_ Why why why why why? _

 

“I don’t know, honey,” you finally say, both of your shoes off. You sit against the door, putting your face in your hands. “I don’t know anything Leigh, so, please…Please just stop asking.” 

 

“Why?”

 

You groan, moving your hands up to your hair and pulling.  _ Don’t get mad, just count to three, take deep breaths… _

 

“ _ Why _ don’t we wait for daddy so we can talk about it together, okay?” 

 

It’s pretty clear that Leigh isn’t satisfied with your answer, because it really isn’t one at all, but nonetheless, the questions stop and he heads for his room. Alone in the quiet of the house, you take out the number in your pocket. You can feel your hand shaking as you hold it, looking at the numbers. It’s not the one you remember. Of course, it’s not. Nothing about Dan was what you remembered. You guys were just kids back then after all. Two kids who didn’t know anything about love but were trying their best even if their best was nowhere near enough.

 

You groan and curl into yourself. You had worked so, so damn hard to get this far. Everything was going right and now it felt like it was all crumbling apart again, just like before. 

 

 


	2. I Thought That I Could Trust You, Never Mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You both have your doubts, your issues, and personal conflicts. You both don't know what the hell to do and if anything you're doing is the right decision, but that's the beauty of being a parent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i dont know if y'all know this or not but the reader has some good old Depression!!!!
> 
> EDITED: 5/25/18  
> Grammar fixes  
> Major plot fixes

The next morning was quiet, which was definitely a change. On school mornings you tried your best to keep the house cheerful and energetic to pump your son up for school, but today was different. You woke up Leigh as you usually did, playing The Last Unicorn throughout the house, loud enough to wake him up. But when you offered to help dress him, the child just shook his head and ushered you out of his room.

 

You know you did this to yourself. You upset him with the previous day, and children can hold mean grudges. You also know that you can’t let it get to you, because you can repair this. You’ll allow this once for Leigh to ignore you, but after this, it’s time to put in the elbow grease for parenthood.

 

The elementary school was only a few blocks away from your house and you couldn’t afford a car, so like every morning, you walked with Leigh to the school except today he had both of his earbuds were in his ears as he held your hand limply. You dropped him off with a kiss and a hug, just like always, and watched him disappear with his teacher inside the small school. The walk back home was just as silent as the walk there, but your head was loud.

 

It was time to talk to Dan again. You know the sooner you get this over with, the better it will be for Leigh. If your son had a chance at having a father, you weren’t going to get in the way of that. He deserves it.

 

Once you arrived home the first thing you did was call your boss, only briefly explaining that you had a family emergency and you needed to use one of your very few vacation days. Your boss is a little uptight, he gave you some harsh scolding before eventually agreeing to the day off, which is more or less what you had expected. A boss needs his assistant; if you didn’t work it just made his job harder, which he really did not like. But nonetheless, you have the day off.

 

Now all that was left was to actually call Dan. Dan, the father of your child that you hadn’t heard of or seen in six or so years. Your stomach flips inside out as you press the numbers on your phone. It’s a moderate time in the morning, only 8 o’clock, but would Danny even be up? He was always the one to sleep in when you two were in college… You shake off the doubts creeping up on you like they often did, pressing the call button and lifting your phone to your ear. You can do this.

 

You can do this.

 

It’s four long rings before someone picks up the phone. You immediately know it’s not Dan, the voice too high pitched and feminine to be his. “Hello?”

 

“Oh, uh, I might have gotten the wrong number?” Dan was in a rush when writing it down, maybe he just missed a digit or you read it wrong? “Is Dan Avidan there?”

 

“You have the right number! Let me wake him up.”

 

Oh. Was- was this Dan’s girlfriend? One night stand?  _ Wif e _ _?_ He had the freedom to do whatever he wanted, but some form of hatred pools inside you despite knowing that. Did he really go to bed with another woman, sleep with another woman the same day he just learned he was the father of your child?

 

You can hear shuffling, the girl on the phone using her sickeningly sweet voice to wake him, calling him honey and baby. God, why did that  _ bug  _ you so much? The more you hear the exchange between the two, the harder it is to think rationally. You tap at your knee with your fingers harshly, nails digging into your skin through your jeans as you try to keep cool.

 

Dan’s voice finally comes through the phone, rough with sleep. “Hello?” You open your mouth to answer but you’re cut off by the girl's giggles. A moan rips through the phone, your stomach dropping at the sound. “Baby, C'mon, I’m on the pho-one,  _ oh… _ ”

 

“Nice to know you’ve been getting fucking laid while I’ve been taking care of our kid. Call me when you’re not in the middle of a morning blow job.” You snap quickly, the anger inside you finally pouring out as you hang up the phone. You were  _ reeling.  _ How  _ dare _ he?

 

You can’t get the noises out of your head, the sound of that woman’s voice and Danny’s sick pleasure. The phone in your hand feels tainted somehow so you throw it across the room onto the carpeted floor. A call comes through, from your spot on the couch you can see it’s Dan’s number. You ignore it, as well as the next one and the next one. After four calls, your phone finally goes silent, and you can finally start crying.  

 

***

 

The voicemails he left are all pathetic, Dan knows this. He’s begging you through messages you’ll probably never open. He persists anyway, ignoring his girlfriend’s comments as he paces the bedroom clad in only boxers.

“__, ___ please pick up, I can explain, I- I didn’t even think you would call, please pick up.”

 

“I swear it- I- I'm so sorry, please don’t think I’m just some jackass that blew this whole thing off with some random girl. I  _ am _ serious about this, I’m serious about you and Leigh, please answer me.”

 

“Please don’t tell me I just fucking blew this, don’t tell me I just fucked all of this up, just answer, I’m  _ sorry _ .”

 

“If you’re upset about the girl, it- I can end things. I will do  _ anything _ to talk to you, to talk about this. Don’t- please don’t take him away,  _ please… _ ”

 

He decides to stop calling after that. If you don’t pick up his next call, Dan doesn’t know how he’ll react or what he’ll say. He sits down on his bed, placing the phone beside him as he lifts both hands to his face and takes a deep breath. Dan can fix this if you give him another chance, he  _ knows  _ that he can fix this. He’ll give you a day to be upset, as you rightfully should be, before calling again tomorrow. He gave up on you once and Dan refuses to do it again.

 

“Dan, what the hell is up with you? Who  _ was  _ that?” His girlfriend yells at him again, making him jump. He forgot she was here for a moment.

 

“August, I need you to leave, please.” Dan runs a hand through his hair, frowning as August gapes at him.

 

“Dan, who the hell was that? This is coming out of nowhere!”

 

“I know you’re upset, and you have a right to be, but I can’t do this. A lot of personal shit is going on and I’m sorry but I just… can’t afford to see you anymore.” He knew he shouldn't have let her come over last night. He knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. God, was he capable of doing anything right?

 

“Fuck, if I knew you were going to turn out to be such a dick I wouldn’t have even bothered,” August sneers, picking up her clothes from the floor and throwing them on. She gives him a very special finger before storming off, slamming the door to his house shut. The sound of August’s car steering off goes silent, making Dan’s house coaxed in quiet so he can finally start crying.

  
***

 

You know you have to call him back, as much as you don’t want to. You need to get this over and done with by today. The longer you waited, the more that this would scar Leigh and that’s the  _ last  _ thing you wanted. You try not to think about your personal feelings because this wasn’t about you. It’s later in the evening when you know you can’t avoid it any longer because you’ll have to pick up Leigh soon that you decide to call back. The answer is almost immediate. 

 

“__?” 

 

“That’s my name, don’t spread it out.” You mumble. He begins to speak, but you stop him quickly. “Dan, I don’t want to hear a goddamn thing about before, okay? That’s not what I’m calling about. Who you choose to sleep with has nothing to do with me. I have to pick up Leigh in a few hours from school, and I took the day off of work so if we’re going to talk I’d like it to be now. In person.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah, of course, yes. Shit, um... Should I come over there?” 

 

“It would be preferred. I’ll send you the address, alright?”

 

“Okay, sweet. And I- well… Thank you. _So_ _much_.” The words are full of sincerity which makes your heart thump hard in your chest. Words become stuck in your throat, words that would make you more vulnerable than you’re ready for, so you hang up the phone silently. You weren’t ready for that, not yet. You can’t say you forgive him, he doesn’t deserve it nor does he deserve a welcome from you. But… You did it. Well, almost. That was at least the first step out of many more to come, but at least you were going somewhere. Even if where you were going was the one place you feared the most. 

 

***

 

You hear Dan pull up to your small apartment complex before you see him. Knowing he’s here gives you time to take a deep breath in and out while trying to calm your nerves. You weren’t very ready for what you knew was coming. 

 

_ He’d make you tell it all to him, every shitty thing that’s happened to you during the pregnancy. He’d see what a terrible mother you are and take Leigh away from you. You would never see your baby boy again even after all the effort you put in to make sure he would stay glued to your side.  _

 

Three solid knocks come through your door, snapping you from your depressive trance. It’s hard, but you manage just like you do with everything as you open the door. You look at Dan and he looks at you, but the both of you don’t say anything. You wordlessly open the door a little more, inviting him in. 

 

“Should I take off my shoes?” He asks softly while you close the door. 

 

“We’re hardly a household of such rules.” You chuckle to yourself. “Don’t mind the mess, I’m working on it. Just make yourself comfortable.” Dan heads for the loveseat couch, plopping himself down and patting the cushion next to him as an offer. An offer you shake your head to, instead resting on the wall adjacent to him.

 

“Did you just move here?” He asks, looking around the small room. 

 

“Yeah, a few months ago. I got a job offer that finally let me get out of the hellhole that is Massachusetts. But that’s not important. I’m sure you have better questions than that.” 

 

“I mean… So I am assuming right, right? That I’m the father.” Ah, so he needs solid conformation. Of course, that makes sense. None of you had really ever said it out loud. 

 

“Didn’t cheat on you or have sex with anyone else, so yes, I think you are the father.” 

 

“Right.” Dan swallows. “So I mean… when did you figure out you were pregnant?” 

 

“I had only figured out a few days before you left. Apparently, I was already a few weeks in.” There’s a beat of silence. “I, uh, I was going to tell you the day you left. But… you left. You didn’t take my calls, either, so you never got to know.” Dan nods his head slowly, a guilty look forming on his face as he stands. You put up your guard on instinct when he steps toward you, making you feel guilty, but you weren’t quite sure why as you had all the reason to be uncomfortable. The feeling still stands despite knowing that.

 

“Maybe we can start with a tour of the house?” The man suggests, smiling softly at you. You figure that should be fine, yet anxiety creeps up your stomach as you lead him down the hallway.  _ He’ll see how small the house is, how awful it is. He’ll see the bad environment Leigh is in, demand to take him away and to someplace better…  _

 

“This is Leigh’s room,” you open the wooden white door that reveals a small room, a window on the left side and a small bed rested beside it. There are several pictures and drawings taped to the pasty green walls, toys scattered around the wooden floor as well as some clothes. Dan comes inside, heading straight for the papers on the wall. 

 

“That’s me,” He whispers, pointing to the collage of pictures. 

 

“I got pictures from college and the internet and printed them from work. He’s fascinated that you have the same hair as him.” You lean against the doorframe, watching Dan press his fingers against the small papers in wonder. “He would talk to them as if it were you. Show off his drawings and things like that. He mostly drew the three of us in space or something like that.” 

 

The older man sits down on Leigh’s bed, hands on his knees. You move and sit next to him, the small space of the bed making your thighs touch. “What did you tell him about me?” 

 

“I told him you were a rock star.” You say simply. “I didn’t need to look up your name to know that. You’ve always had music hippy written all over your face. Specifically your shirts, as well.” You try to joke and Dan takes it, laughing with you. 

 

“That’s one thing that hasn’t changed. Except I’ve got some way cooler shirts now. One of them has a unicorn that says  _ destroy everything _ . It’s pretty rock fuck, I know.” He bumps you with his shoulder and you let yourself sway. You can feel yourself sinking into the nostalgia and familiarity that Dan was surrounded in, and it’s terrifying yet wonderful at the same time. You’ve dreamed of this moment for so long, and now it was happening. You’d rehearsed the lines of what you wanted to say to him over and over yet just like in college Dan manages to make you tongue-tied.

 

“I told him…” You start, nervously licking your lips as you stare at the floor. “I didn’t want to hide the fact that he has a dad, you know? But I didn’t want him to know that his dad doesn’t know he even exists. So… I told him you were in space. Exploring planets and writing songs with Ninja Brian. It’s the best thing I could come up with. Just the other day, he asked if there were any reports from NASA. That’s… you work for NASA, by the way,” you give out a watery chuckle, feeling your throat become tight. “I told him you found a new planet and he got to name it. There’s this girl he likes named Teresa in class, so he quite proudly named the planet after her.” 

“Looks like I have quite the name to live up to,” Dan says. You cringe in guilt. 

 

“Sorry about that.”

 

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about here, ___.” 

 

The room falls silent.

 

“I still have your note, you know.” The words slip out of you, and you’re too scared to look at him as the words continue to force themselves out of your heart. “The one that you left behind. I have it tucked inside my wallet, and I don’t even know why. It’s the only piece of you that I really had left. I guess I kept it because I was just hoping one day you’d come back and everything would be like before. But I know it will never be like before ever again.” You frown and feel Danny shift from beside you. You look up at his deep brown eyes, hoping to get some sort of answer from them somehow. “I just have to know, Dan. Why didn’t you ever take my calls? Why did you change your phone number and just leave me behind in your dust?” 

 

Dan sighs, clasping his hands together and twisting. He opens his mouth to talk, but your phone rings loudly, cutting him off. You quickly take the device out of your pocket and see the alarm shaking on your screen. You turn it off, standing while slipping the phone back into your jeans. “I’m sorry, I have to go pick up Leigh from school. I don’t have a car so I need to leave now if I’m going to get there on time.” 

 

Dan stands up and heads to the door with you, hope sparkling in his eyes. You know what he wants before he even asks. “Could I come? I don’t have to, but…”

 

“Yes, you can come,” you smile. It’s strained, as you’re still nervous that Dan will somehow steal Leigh away from you while you’re not looking, but you’re trying to get over that. If anything was going to happen with Dan being involved, the trust had to be built, and it would never happen if you ran away each time you got irrationally protective. Plus, Leigh would be ecstatic to see his dad again.  

 

The two of you leave the house, Dan waits by your side as you lock the apartment door before continuing forward. “Do you want to take my car? Or should we walk?” You know, either way, you’ll be stuck with Dan and be forced to talk, so it really didn’t matter to you. 

 

“I’m still admiring California weather, so walking is good. You could use some muscle, anyways, you fucking stick.” 

 

“I work out! Here, look at my  _ sweet  _ pale arms.” He’s wearing a leather jacket, which he seemed to forget because as soon as he showcases his arms they’re back down at his sides. “Ok, well, later when I have somewhere to put my jacket.”

 

“How awfully coincidental…” You murmur, and Dan laughs loudly. It’s still the same girlish giggle snort fest like you remember. “You’re going to have to stop dressing like that if you want to be a part of this whole thing because I absolutely refuse to have my child be influenced by someone who looks like an 80’s indie band member.” 

 

“Ouch, you hurt my heart with your words,” He raises a hand to his chest, clutching at the leather there. The conversation continues easily from there on, the chemistry between you two blooming again after so many years.

 

***

 

You and Dan stand next to each other outside the elementary school’s doors, waiting for Leigh to come over. The both of you watch the kids naturally fit together with their parents and get on the busses, something you’ve grown used to but you can tell that Dan is taking in as much as he can. The normalcy of being a parent was a wonderful feeling sometimes.  

 

“Are you sure he knows to be here?” Dan asks, a nervous tone in his voice. You keep your eyes on the school doors and nod. 

 

“We always meet up under the tree. He knows where to go, don’t worry.” You turn your head to look at Dan briefly. “Besides, it’s hard to miss your jewfro anyway. As soon as he sees it, he’ll come running.”

 

“Yeah,” the man swallows, his eyebrows furrowing together. “What should I do? ...What do I say?” 

 

“This isn’t some first date, Daniel.” You giggle. “There isn’t a guideline for these things. Just do what comes naturally. Except… act like you’ve known he’s existed for more than a day, yeah? Also, avoid cursing. Just typical kid things.” 

 

Dan smiles again, his posture relaxing. “He’s no typical kid.” You can’t help but agree. 

 

As the conversation melts into a comfortable silence, you see Leigh come out of the school doors. You frown as you realize both of his earphones are in, a clear sign that he was still upset. “Hey, wait here for a second, okay?” You tell Dan and then you’re off to your child, a jump in your step to go faster. 

 

Once you reach Leigh, you make sure he can see you before lightly leading him to an area less surrounded, ending up at a small patch of grass closer to the playground. You kneel down, trying to get eye contact as your son stares at the ground. The music in his earphones is loud enough that you can hear it, and you take one out lightly. “Hey, baby. Will you look at me? Please?” He does as you say and you can see tears in his eyes. “Honey, what’s wrong?” 

 

Leigh shakes his head, rubbing his eyes. “It’s nothing.” 

 

“Please, baby? Please tell me what’s wrong. Is it about daddy?” He nods his head, his hair bouncing along. “Are you still mad at me about yesterday?” A shake of the head. “What is it?” 

 

“They said I was a liar.” Leigh cries softly. “They said I don’t have a daddy and he left for space ‘cause he didn’t want me.” As he explains his whimpers turn into small sobs that make his shoulders shake and fat, sticky tears roll down his cheeks. Your heart breaks and you pull him into your arms, letting him cry into your shoulder while you rub his back. 

 

“They’re wrong, baby. Daddy… Daddy loves you.  _ So much _ . He came back from space just for you because that’s how much he loves you. I swear it.” You look around the small courtyard, finding Dan’s eyes and ushering him over with your hand, continuing to comfort Leigh. The school slowly empties of people all the while. As Danny gets closer, you nudge Leigh back enough so you can hold his face in your hands, wiping his tears and snot away with your sleeve. “Do you want to see him? Would that make you feel better?” Leigh’s lip trembles as he nods, his small hands holding onto your shirt tightly. Dan slowly approaches the two of you, his eyes wide. “Look, Leigh,” You turn him around. “It’s daddy.” 

 

***

 

Dan watches you as you leave, jogging over to Leigh. It amazes him as he watches you slowly move Leigh out of the way of the crowded doors, kneeling down at his level in the grass as if everything was second nature to you. He swears the boy only came out of the school for a second when you sensed something was wrong. Dan didn’t notice something was off. Should he have?

 

Dan’s heart tightens as he sees his son start to cry. God, that’s his  _ son _ . It’s still so hard to believe but he knows it’s true as the urge to go over and hold Leigh starts to overwhelm him. Instead, he just stands there dumbly not knowing what to do, watching you hold the small boy in your arms.  _ You’re amazing _ , he thinks. You’re such an amazing mother, you raised Leigh all on your own for so long and made him into such a wonderful little boy. You took care of Leigh so well, was Dan really even needed at this point? 

 

He’s caught off guard when your eyes meet with his, your hand urging him over. The strange feeling Dan has only felt with his nephews and Audrey grows stronger as he makes his way over to you in long strides before he can even think about it. The closer he gets, the more he can clearly hear the sobs Leigh is making. It takes him back to the reality where he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, or what he should be doing. Dan just knows that his son needs him and the older man figures that’s all that really matters. 

 

He’s needed. He always has been. 

 

Dan approaches the two of you, his steps quiet and hesitant. Again he’s just standing there and staring, waiting for something in him to tell him what to do. “Look, Leigh,” you smile at your son and use your hands to lightly turn him around, and his breath is stolen from his lungs as he looks down at Leigh and his watery brown eyes. “It’s daddy.”

 

That’s when his brain finally flicks on like a switch. 

 

“Hey buddy,” Danny whispers, lowering himself on the ground to his knees. He opens his arms nervously, inviting his son over. He’s immediately embraced, small arms wrapping around his thin waist. The crying continues but it’s quiet as Dan returns the hug, cooing to the little boy softly. 

 

“ _ It’s okay. It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here. _ ” 

 

The older man’s eyes flick up to yours, asking with his eyes if he was doing the right thing. You reach a hand out to him, which he takes without any hesitation. You squeeze lightly, your other hand going up to your face so you can wipe away your own tears. He returns the squeeze while keeping his other arm around his son, rubbing softly on Leigh’s back.

 

Dan knows that you can feel it too. That even despite everything, despite the complications of your relationship, everything finally feels complete for the first time in a long time. 

 

***

 

When you return home, Dan comes along with Leigh in his arms. The little boy falls asleep during the walk, which doesn’t surprise you. He had a long day. Hell, you all had a long day. And you know that this isn’t the last of them. There’s much more to come, and you just hope you all will be able to make it through. 

 

You keep the lights off as you step into the house and Dan walks right for Leigh’s room, assumingly to tuck him in. While you wait you begin to sort through the boxes on the floor, trying to keep as quiet as possible while you put things up on shelves and into cupboards if only to keep yourself busy. Fear keeps your body buzzing. 

 

“Dan,” you call out when you hear him close the door to Leigh’s room. You keep yourself busy in the kitchen, trying your best to swallow the lump in your throat. “I don’t know if I can do this.” 

 

“Do what, exactly?” He almost startles you when his voice comes from right behind you, but you manage to keep yourself steady. Without saying anything Dan begins to help you sort your silverware and put away dishes. 

 

“You,” you say, honestly. You refuse to look at him. “I… that’s not me saying I’m going to kick you out or anything. I would never do that. Not like you did to me.” 

 

From your peripherals, you see the older man tense up and it fills you with some sick sort of pride. You don’t regret your words, as unfair as they may be. He deserves them. 

 

“I’ve done this on my own for so long. You don’t… you  _ can’t  _ even begin to imagine what I’ve had to go through to get where I am now with Leigh. There’s so much. You’ve missed so much, and for what, Dan?” You finally turn around enough to face him. “Do you even want this?” You have to ask. 

 

“Of course I do,” Danny says, softly as he tries to reach for you. When he sees you flinch visibly his hands go back to his sides before they run through his hair, then onto the counter and then at his sides again. He’s anxious, understandably so. “I want this. I don’t deserve it, I know I don’t. I don’t deserve for you to forgive me or for you to let me do this. But believe me when I say I want to be here, and I want to make it up to you.”

 

“I believed you when you said you loved me, Dan, and then you left me behind.” You sigh, biting your lip before returning to your chore. 

 

“I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I am sorry. I am so, _so_ goddamn sorry,”

 

“Are you?” His mouth gapes open and you interrupt him before he can say anything else. “You… you left and you got everything you could have wanted. You’re at your best possible life right now. If you didn’t leave, I… you would have never gotten this.” 

 

You can’t help the sob that comes out of you. You press your elbows into the counter and cower, crying as silently as you can. Your voice shakes along with your body while you try to keep yourself under control but your resolve is breaking with each second. “I can’t ruin you, Dan. I want to _ so bad _ . I want you to have everything ripped away from you so you could see how I felt, but I can’t do that to you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did that,” you feel Dan’s hands press against your back. Covering your mouth with your hands, you feel like you’re suffocating and his gentle hands are as hot as the sun on your skin. “Please just go,” you plead. “Just go away, Dan.” 

 

There’s a hesitant sound in his steps as he backs away from you. With each step you feel the anxiety bloom another flower in your chest, making it even harder to breathe.  _ Don’t,  _ you think.  _ Don’t go, I need you so bad.  _ But you told him to go away. 

 

When the door closes, you sink to the floor, letting yourself drown in the feeling of regret and betrayal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are u crying yet


	3. Me and You Baby, Walk in the Footsteps, Build Our Own Family, One Day at a Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You continue to build your relationship and try to get closure. It's never easy. 
> 
> EDIT:  
> Entire Chapter is Edited. Please reread.

Dan doesn’t know what to do. 

 

He wants to make everything up to you, but he knows it isn’t that simple. He messed up, he messed up bad and he has no clue how to make it up to you and Leigh. How does someone make up for so much lost time? How can he tell Leigh how sorry he is for all the moments he’s missed, all the birthdays? Dan doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. He doesn’t know how to make it up to you, he doesn’t know how to be a father. 

 

Danny hates this. He hates feeling so bad, he hates making  _ you  _ feel so bad. He hates being the reason that you’re struggling and crying. But he doesn’t have time to fuck around with self-pity or depression. 

 

When Dan gets home, he calls Brian. He’s the only person Dan can call, and that he  _ wants  _ to call. Brian… Brian won’t give him shit. He’ll tell Dan exactly how it is with no mercy and won’t let him fuck up again. That’s exactly what Danny needs, so he calls. 

 

“What’s up, lover?” Brian’s monotone voice comes through the phone after only a few rings. Danny isn’t surprised, he’s hardly fazed by those sorts of comments anymore. He runs a hand through his frizzy hair anxiously, beginning to remember how you broke down in front of him just a few hours ago. God, he needs help. 

 

“I need you to get over here, dude. Whenever you can.” 

 

“You okay, buddy?”

 

“You think I’m okay?” Dan can’t help the sour tone he has. “I…  _ fucking _ \- sorry, Brian. Today has just been a lot. I met up with ___.”

 

“___, as in the girl who has your baby and you refuse to tell me anything about?” 

 

“That’s the one,” he sighs. Dan paces around the house, biting at his thumb without thinking. “I need you to help me figure out what the fuck to do, Brian. I can’t do this on my own. I can’t… I can’t go to anyone else about this. No one can know about this but you and me, man. Rachel is the only exception.” 

 

“I mean… Alright. What do you need me for?” 

 

“Literally everything.” He says, plain and simple. “How to be a dad, how to make it up to somebody you abandoned while they were pregnant. What the hell do I do, Brian?” There’s a loud groan on the other end of the receiver along with some rustling. 

 

“Just because I’m a dad doesn’t mean I know everything.”

 

“So all that Ph.D. talk is bullshit?”

 

“Okay, fine, Jesus,” Brian drawls, clearly wanting to help just because his pride was on the line. Also because Dan was his friend, too, but who’s to really say? “I don’t fucking know, Dan. Just don’t give up, is all I can think?” The uncertainty the usually overly confident man has in his voice makes Dan swallow nervously. “Show ___ you want to be with them both. Prove that you’re worth it. That’s all I can say. Once you have a stable foundation I may be able to help you with the dad thing, but not really. There’s-”

 

“Not a manual,” Dan finishes, remembering what you said in the schoolyard. “Yeah.”

 

“Yeah.” Silence. “You okay, buddy?”

 

“I will be. Thanks for talking, Bri. I’ll see you later.” Danny hangs up the phone, plopping down onto his couch and throwing his phone onto the floor. Fuck. He can do this. He knows he can. 

 

Images flash in his head again that make him quiver. Seeing your face for the first time in years in some random grocer, having his kid find him and hug his legs tightly. You, holding Leigh in your arms and flinching away when Danny got too close. You were afraid of him, he knew you were. That’s the first thing he needs to fix if nothing else. 

 

_Fuck_. 

 

***

 

The week progresses, and so do you and Dan. Slow, hesitant but real steps were being made each day. You invited Danny over the next day for dinner, surprisingly, and the man was quick to accept the opportunity you were offering. And that’s really how it continued to go. You would invite him over, and he would come, rain or shine, no matter what. You never really spoke to him when he was around unless Leigh wanted you all to do something together. 

While you never spoke to him, you also never let Dan go out of your sights, which he can understand to a degree. There was no real trust between the two of you yet. You may have had your moment in the schoolyard, but that didn’t mean anything to you. Not yet. 

 

As for Dan, though, the questions never stopped coming throughout the week from his friends. He’d disappear from the office randomly, sometimes right before starting episodes with Arin. He didn’t have a good lie to give them for why he was acting so off, why he was constantly checking his phone when before he had hardly looked at the thing, claiming it was only a stressor. To be fair, that fact still stands, though so does another. Dan hasn’t earned the right to tell them what was going on yet, he doesn’t have the right to call himself a father until he proves it to you and Leigh, prove that he wasn’t going anywhere and he was dedicated to both of them.

 

As of right now, Dan’s alone in Arin’s office. The older man would come here when he needed some privacy, it was easy to just lay down on the small couch and rest his nerves in the familiarity of the room. He lays down, his legs sprawled out awkwardly and his eyes are closed but he’s not resting. Dan thinks, he thinks  _ hard  _ about what he needs to do. Still. 

 

What was his relationship with you? What could it turn into? He was a fucking father now, something he  _ never  _ thought he would have the chance to be. Was he going to have to introduce Leigh to his whole family, his friends? He would have to do that, right? Eventually, he would have to tell everyone that there’s a child he’s in charge for. His child. Jesus, what would everyone say? Did it matter? Not really… but the anxiety swells up inside his chest regardless. Dana would certainly have some choice words for him.

 

Dan sighs, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, making him see white. What time was it? It’s Friday and Dan had promised to come over to your place and take you and Leigh out to eat. It didn’t take a lot to know you weren’t exactly financially stable yet, and he was guilty of that. You told him very small details of the pregnancy, not everything but he did know you had to drop out of college. He feels horrible for that, but he can’t change the past. He’s in the present, now.

 

He’s been doing everything he could during this week to show you he was in this to the end. Coming early in the morning with your permission, helping Leigh to school and packing lunches. Driving you to work and picking you up when you were done. You wouldn’t always let him do this, sometimes you insisted that he back off, which he did. But his persistence was doing something, he knows that much. You were letting him be around, and even if you didn’t talk much, that’s all that mattered. Dan knows that if he keeps trying, keeps showing you how much he wants this, one day you’ll believe him. He just has to be patient for the day where you realize that.

  
  


***

  
  


“Why do I need to dress up?”

 

“Because we’re going out to eat with Daddy,” you explain again to your son, rifling through his drawers. “Do you want to go out to eat in your pajamas?”

 

“Yes!” He says with a cheer, making you giggle. 

 

“Maybe another time, sweetheart. Today we’re going in real clothes. Do you want your nice shirt or your overalls?” 

 

Leigh hums in thought, sitting on his little bed with his legs swinging outward. “Overalls, please,” he tells you with a smile and you nod in agreement, pulling out the clothing and handing it to him. 

 

“What color shirt do you want?”

 

“Blue, please!”

 

“Blue it is,” you take a plain baby blue shirt out as well as some matching socks. You turn around and begin to help him get dressed, pulling the shirt over his head before helping him step into the pant legs of the overalls and pulling it up his legs, snapping the small straps over his shoulders and making sure the pockets are tucked in. It’s these small moments where you can baby your son that you really appreciate. He needs you to help him, and that means so much to you. 

 

Once he’s all dressed you pick him up in your arms, grunting as you do. “We might have to tone down the snacks, baby, you’re getting heavy!” Leigh laughs at your comment. 

 

“You’re so strong, Mommy,”

 

“Why, thank you.” You smile and walk him out of the room, closing the door as you do. You set him down on the couch, bringing him his sneakers. “Do you think you can tie your own shoes?”

 

“Yeah, I can do it!”

 

“Alright. I’m going to go change but if you need help you can come in,” you tell him this as you ruffle his hair lightly, making him giggle before you head for your own room, leaving the door open a crack for your son. You go into your own dresser, debating what exactly to wear. Danny isn’t taking you anywhere fancy, so you suppose it doesn’t really matter what you wear. As you rummage through different shirts, you find a grey piece of clothing tucked deep into the corner and curiously you fish it out. When you unfold it you see that it’s one of your old shirts. Well, that’s not true, technically it’s… Danny’s. It’s nothing much, there’s a washed out and faded design of a stegosaurus. You forgot how much he loved dinosaurs. 

 

You really don’t know why you kept it, or why you’re debating on wearing it. It seems like the right thing to do, though. So without thinking too much about it, you throw the shirt you’re wearing off your head and pull on Danny’s. It fits just fine, though the sleeves are a little big for a tee-shirt, you don’t mind. After that you find some jeans to wear and slip on some flip-flops, only looking at your hair to fix it up for a brief second before you walk back into the living room. 

 

You’re surprised to see Danny already there, sitting on the couch with your son in his lap and tying his shoes. You can hear him silently teach Leigh how he does it. 

 

“So you go like this- pssh, just like that, yeah, and then you make the little bunny ears. Everyone does it a little differently but I like to put the rabbit through the hole, and then you pull, and ta-da! You have a tied shoe.” They still haven’t noticed you so you continue to watch as Dan bounces Leigh on his knee slightly, making the child giggle. “Do you think you can do the next one by yourself?”

 

“Yeah,” Leigh nods and bends over, still in his Daddy’s lap as he begins to tie the other shoelaces together. That’s when Dan finally notices you.

 

“Hey, baby girl,” he says as if it was second nature to him. You won’t lie that the pet name caught you by surprise, but you try to ignore it. You remember when he used to call you that endlessly in college. He notices your shirt, his eyes widening slightly.

 

“Are we all ready to go?” You say quickly, walking over to the two of them. Leigh looks up, blissfully unaware of the sudden tension in the room. 

 

“Yeah! Look, I tied my shoe!” He points to it and you feign surprise, gasping as you bend over to look. 

 

“You did! Good job, baby.” You lean in to kiss his cheek, and you make brief eye contact with Dan as you do. He visibly tenses with your closeness and it makes you sigh through your nose. “Let’s get going.” You straighten yourself out and head for the kitchen counter, grabbing your keys and bag as Leigh jumps off his dad’s lap. When you open the door the little boy races out, clearly excited to go into the car. You bite your lip nervously, Dan walking out and closing the door behind him so you can lock it. “You’re a good driver, right?” You ask him. 

 

“Yeah, why?” The older man unlocks the car and helps Leigh into the back seat. You visibly tense and he turns over to you, a worried look on his face. “Are you okay?” 

 

“You don’t have a car seat,” you bite your lips again, staring at your son through the window. “I… I trust you drive fine, but would you mind if I sit in the back with him? I just…” 

 

“Hey,” Dan places a comforting hand on your shoulder, getting you to look at him. “It’s no problem. Do whatever you need.” 

 

You thank him silently, heading into the back with Leigh and positioning him on your lap before you take off. You hold onto Leigh tightly, keeping your eyes on the road and appreciating the fact that Dan avoids the busy roads and instead drives through the neighborhood roads. He’s trying, and you know this. He’s doing his best for the both of you.

 

***

 

The place Dan brought you to was as casual as you were hoping it would be. It’s a small little Italian restaurant with small round lights that make the place very calming. You’re lead to a booth when you come in and while you wait for your food Leigh switches between sitting next to you and Dan every other minute or so. He’s sitting next to you now, holding your arm lightly with his chubby fingers.

 

“Daddy, I wanna hear your stories from space!” Leigh says. You make brief eye contact with Danny before looking down at the wood table. You still feel a little guilty for building Dan into being such a great guy; he's got a heavy light shined on him because of you. But to be fair, you never thought you would be where you are now and you’ve had the spotlight on you for all of Leigh’s life up ‘till now.

 

“Well, what would you like to hear?” The older man leans forward, crossing his arms on the table. 

 

“What made you want to go away to space?” It’s an innocent question but it holds weight. You can practically feel yourself tense up, holding your child’s hand tightly as you bite your cheek. Dan probably thinks you're pathetic. Getting so upset over such a childish question, who does that? You're being so irrational...

 

"...It’s a long story. You see, I was… I was really young back then. I didn’t think before I leaped, and I regret that. I left behind a lot on earth when I left for space, Leigh, things I never wanted to leave.” You can feel Danny’s eyes on you, burning your skin and melting your heart. You hate it. “I was up in my head, obsessed with the thought of the stars, but space is nowhere as lovely as it is here on earth. I… I’m really happy to be back.”

 

Thankfully, the food comes after Danny finishes so you don’t have to return his look. Leigh is as happy as ever, happily taking big bites of his food with innocence guiding him. You wish you could be that innocent, too.

  
  


***

  
  


After dinner and a surprise dessert, all three of you go back to the apartment. You let Dan tuck Leigh in, albeit reluctantly. You’re biting your cheek harshly as you sit on the end of your mattress, your foot tapping on the carpet anxiously. It wasn’t fair for you to get irritated with Dan, he’s not doing anything wrong. But the night is playing over in your head, and each time your judgments on how dinner went get worse and worse. The things Danny had said, how lit up Leigh got when he was offered dessert. He almost never had that offer because you couldn’t afford it. You did buy it for Leigh sometimes, but it always cost you your own meal. Not like it mattered, Leigh's happiness was more important to you than some meal that you could easily make do without. But it's different now because your ex was so  _ perfect  _ in his fatherhood and income that he could make all those missed meals become utterly worthless. All of your sacrifices for your child didn't seem to mean  _ anything  _ anymore. 

 

You’re all too aware when Dan comes out of Leigh’s room, you can hear each step thudding in your head as he comes in despite the soft carpet cushioning the sounds. The bed creaks as he sits down next to you. You bite your cheek harder and you think you taste iron on your tongue.

 

“Why won’t you look at me? Did I do something wrong?” He whispers and you hate how upset he sounds. Why should he be upset when he has absolutely everything?

 

“You left,” you bite out harshly and frown. “You left and you got your best life. You got the money, the fame, the friends. I got less than the minimum wage and a premature child.”

 

“Leigh was premature?” You rest your elbows on your thighs. It was late, did you two really need to talk about this right now? You supposed it had to happen at some point, why not  _ now  _ when you’re exhausted and vulnerable?

 

“Yes. Two months. My hands aren’t that big and he couldn’t even fit in them because he was so small. It was fucking horrific. His lungs hadn’t developed and he could have died from suffocation.” You put your head in your hands and you can hear how pathetic you sound. Your voice is cracking. “It was the worst two months of my life, waiting in that hospital and knowing he could die at any minute if something went wrong if someone didn’t keep an eye on him  _ constantly _ .” You know that’s one of the reasons why you’re so protective of him. The traumatic event feels like it will never leave your memory. 

 

“I’m… you do know that I’m extremely sorry, right?” Dan says to you again. You know he’s sorry but the words still go through one ear and out the other. “I… I  _ never  _ wanted that to happen to you.”

 

“But it did. You have no  _ idea  _ how hard it’s been. I’ve got a shitty job with a shitty boss who looks like he’ll fucking molest me at any second if I’m alone with him but I’ve got to live with that because I have a kid I have to provide for. While I’m trying my fucking  _ damndest  _ for him, you just…” You look up at Dan. You observe him in the darkness of your room and you wonder if you look as broken as he does. You don’t doubt that you might look even worse. “You swoop in so  _ effortlessly _ . You can do everything I can’t. I’ve been with Leigh his whole life and you’ve been here for a week and you’re already doing this better than I ever have.” You’re frowning again and put a hand through your hair, pulling tighter than you needed to but not enough to be noticeable. “I keep thinking that one day you’ll be gone again and you’ll take Leigh away with you.”

 

The older man sighs, feeling his chest swell uncomfortably as he looks down at you. He hates that he’s the reason you look like that. You were always so confident, so happy and motivated in college. Now… now you look like you’re at your wits end. “___, I promise- baby, look at me,” Dan mimics you, elbows on his thighs so he can move his head down to look at you, his hair falling like curtains over his face before he clumsily shakes his head to get the curls out of the way. His efforts have you chuckle lightly, despite the heavy tension in the room. “I  _ promise  _ I will never go away again, and I will never take Leigh from you. I am  _ so  _ fucking sorry that I left you. You have no idea how much I regret that decision, how I have  _ always  _ regretted that decision. It was shitty of me and you did nothing to deserve it.” He touches your hand lightly, waiting for any sign of you being uncomfortable. You stay frozen though you’re shaking and he takes your hand into both of his, cupping it tenderly, his fingers lacing with yours. You want to sob, but you don’t. Not yet. 

 

There are so many things to say, so many things you both want to say but are unsure if it’s alright or not. Silence dwells between the two of you.

 

“Thank you, Danny,” you say and all he does is shake his head. “I’m serious. This… I don’t know what this is, or how I feel about you being in my life again. But I know how I feel about you being in Leigh’s life. And I’m really glad that you are. He’s always wanted to get to know you, and now he can. So thank you for that, Dan, really.” You meet with his eyes, finally, to show that you’re being sincere. 

 

“I can’t believe you named him Leigh,” Dan blurts out, suddenly, and you actually laugh. It makes him smile. “Nice shirt, by the way.”

 

“Fuck you, man,” giggling, you shove him back with your hand, sniffling and wiping at your cheeks. “It’s a nice name and it’s not like you’re using it.”

 

“The shirt or the name?”

 

“Both, you jackass.” This time Dan laughs, his eyes closing together tightly as he snorts. You thank him again in your head for the distraction. All of your interactions shouldn’t be heavy ones, and he knows that. This is better. This is building something. 

 

“Does Leigh like dinosaurs?” He asks, another random comment that’s most likely inspired by the shirt you’re wearing.

 

“I don’t know if he likes them as much as you, but that Ice Age movie with the dinos is one of his favorites.” 

 

“Good enough,” he nods in approval before clapping his hands on his thighs, hoisting himself up onto his feet and putting his hands in his pockets. “I should get going. Thank you for letting me take you out for dinner.” You stand up with him, walking him to the door. 

 

“Thank you for paying. It’s nice of you.” 

 

Dan shrugs. “I owe you thousands of dollars from diapers and toys and all that. It’s really the least I could do.” He opens the door, ready to say goodnight and leave before you surprise him with a tight hug. Your arms are wrapped under his own, your hands fisting at his jacket with tight fists and your face buried in his chest. Dan acts quickly to hug you back with just as much vigor, kissing your head lightly. No words are said, but none need to be. He leaves, after that, with a small wave and a smile. And when you close the door, you feel the knot in your chest loosen just a little bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are okay with the edits this story is going through and like the new plot and form of the chapters! This story is going to become more of a slow-burn from here on out.


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